I saw you today. You passed by me as I was exiting my apartment building, and upon seeing you, I found myself having to reteach my legs how to walk.
“One after the other, one after the other. Come on! What the hell is wrong with you guys?!”
I felt like my whole body would collapse, or perhaps… I’d melt under the heavy midday sun, like the ice in my now not-so-iced coffee. Buckle, knees first, slowly slouching, head over shoulders, shoulders over waist, waist over thighs, and puddle onto the cement sidewalk- evaporating prayers that hopefully you didn’t see me. See that you still affect every part of me, and the evidence is very tangible.
Probably sensing that my legs couldn’t, my heart began to run- faster, faster, faster- the only thing propelling me forward, keeping me from passing out. I instinctively held my head high, out of view of passersby, as to not allow them a glimpse of the thoughts galloping in and out of my mind. (Apparently everything had legs except me.) Thoughts of my hand on your face, our bodies lying in the Californian sun, how walks around Midtown with the right person could make you feel like wanting to walk forever. I thought you may have glanced over at me, as you strolled past, casually throwing your jacket over your shoulder- walking like a man with purpose, somehow making me feel like a house cat in the presence of a lion. Only you could make me feel so small without even uttering a word my way- make my lungs simultaneously faint and expel all their contents, cause my hands to tremor like tambourines. And just like that, you were gone, leaving me feeling weak, emotionally and quite physically.
Like I said, I really thought I could just melt right then and there, and a huge part of me hoped that I would. But I didn’t. Instead, I walked chanting silently, “One after the other, one after the other.” The motto for anyone who has felt that they couldn’t continue on, but did.


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